Matchmaker and relationship coach, Lara Kudayisi, speaks about her journey and other issues.
Tell us about your background.
I am the first of four children. I was born and raised in Ogun State.
What services does Lara Kudayisi International offer?
Lara Kudayisi International is primarily concerned with counseling, coaching, and certification. My organization helps people recover from trauma and emotional agony, and then we make them happy. The Corporate Affairs Commission has registered us.
Some claim that matchmakers and relationship experts have difficulty maintaining partnerships. Is this correct?
People do not realize that their personal lives cannot be used to criticize their professional lives. Matchmaking is a professional service that has nothing to do with a person’s personal life. This means that if I’m a matchmaker, I must be accredited, and it has no bearing on my personal life. Also, even though I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, I am not immune to emotional distress.
What do you do when you are dealing with emotional issues?
I work with my own coaches and therapists. A coach requires coaching, while a therapist requires therapy. Therapists can develop an emotional attachment to the tales that people share with them, which can lead to depression. Even as a professional, I see my therapist as much as possible.
You once mentioned having 15 abortions. Why did you decide to share your experience?
I began (sharing my tale) ten years ago as a divine instruction so that others could learn from my experience. Since then, I’ve worked to become a relationship therapist and life coach so that I can help others who have had similar experiences to mine.
How have you dealt with the stereotypes and stigmatization that you have faced since sharing your story?
All of it is irrelevant to me since I know what I’m doing and I’ve healed. Because it is my past, it does not define me. I am no longer the person who performed the abortions. As a result, judgments regarding my prior life do not affect me.
Have you reached closure with all of the men you’ve had relationships with?
It is not necessary to seek closure from others. That’s what I educate folks in my counseling program. Closure is something you achieve on your own. I went through years of counseling and found closure with all of the men I was associated with. That allowed me to heal and communicate about my experience. I no longer harbor any resentment or hurt, and it is all part of my path.
You once mentioned your father putting pressure on you to marry. How did you manage to deal with it?
My father is no longer living, although I married while he was still alive. Because I had not healed from the trauma of my past, the pressure he put on me back then got to me. If he were still living, I know he would be disappointed that I am now divorced. My mother, on the other hand, has moved on.
Did you divorce before or after you made your abortion tale public?
Even before I got married, I went public with my abortion story. My ex-husband met me after hearing about my abortion, which drew him to me. My marriage had nothing to do with my past, which inspired my book, “Why the Matchmaker’s Marriage Failed.”
Do you have trust issues as a result of your past experiences?
I have a strong faith in men and plan to remarry shortly. It is because one has not healed that one does not trust guys after a heartbreak. Healing must be pursued because it is vital. When one has healed, the type of individuals one attracts and has relationships with will be drastically different, and there will be nothing to fear. Many people are unaware that therapy can save their lives.
What have you learned being a single mother?
Being a single mother is not an easy task. When one is the primary caretaker, it can be really difficult. However, it has taught me that I am resilient and capable of accomplishing many things that I never thought possible in the past. I’ve also learned that if a person is not ready to have a child and then has one, it will have a long-term impact on that person’s life. As a result, it is critical to be prepared before becoming a parent.
What words will you choose to define your connection with God?
My relationship with God is wonderful. He is a friend, a savior, and a parent to me. He’s the one who steers me. Many people believe I am a horrible girl or ungodly since I have had 15 abortions. God is gracious and does not pass judgment like humans. If a person is sincerely repentant and sorrowful after committing a sin, God will forgive that person while still making efficient use of that person.
How many novels have you published?
So far, I’ve written three books. They are titled ’21 Questions Single Ladies Ask,’ ‘What is Wrong with My Taste in Men,’ and ‘How the Matchmaker’s Marriage Failed.’
How may people be persuaded to seek therapy?
I know there is still more to be done in that regard, but most individuals today seek counseling. Every human being is entitled to happiness and liberty. Some of us are dissatisfied with our existing relationships and occupations, which has led to suicide attempts. Going through treatment can help you live a better life. That’s what I did, and today I can talk about my pain with such detachedness. If at all feasible, I want everyone to go to therapy.
What would you alter about your life if you could?
I will not alter anything since I would not be here now if it were not for my past. That is why I teach people that if they harness their sorrow appropriately, it can become their superpower.
How do you relax?
I enjoy watching movies. I also enjoy going on outings with my children and friends on occasion.
Credit: Punch
